i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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