They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
