you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
