the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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