It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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