You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
