ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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