all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
