I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
