You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
