Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
