What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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