I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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