I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
