if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize