that's an acceptable place to lick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
