i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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