Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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