Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
