nut hugger
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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