I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
