I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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