she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
