it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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