Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
