If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
