It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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