I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
