Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
