The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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