and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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