if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize