so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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