It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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