I just made out with a guy for $7.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
