it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize