respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
