i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
