i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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