when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
