why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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