i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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