It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
