Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
