I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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