Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
