Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
