Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
