just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
