just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
