What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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