the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
