first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize