can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
