I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
