people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
