I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
