I could make wine with my vomit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love accidental penises.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
