She just used a chaser for red wine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are a genius and a whore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize