Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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