An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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