He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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