Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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