Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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