Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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