just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my poor anus
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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