im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
smell my finger.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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