i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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