So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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