He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize