Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
