Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
