The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
