You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
