I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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