fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
