Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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