Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
