Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
