I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
