i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
