Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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