So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
