i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
