i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
